The Parenting Diaries

I had been so busy with work since last Saturday which means it was nearly impossible to go online in the office. When I do, I only check emails and moderate comments in my other blog.

I had so much in my mind for blog posts but they simply vanished away - next time, I’m going to write any thoughts I have on paper so I won’t forget!

I am slacking with this blog but it’s ok. I am declaring that it’s ok. After all, this is my “blog with no pressure” blog. No target audience, just about little updates of my life and my babe.

I dreamed about Hugh Jackman last night! And I overslept. Very strange because I did not even see any of his movies lately nor saw him in the news - oh wait, he was just proclaimed Sexiest Man Alive by People Magazine so that must be the reason of my *ahem* fantasy.

Anyway, we were lovey-dovey in my dreams. Oh, sweet, sweet dreams are made of these! Thank God for dreams.

I overslept because, uhm  honey, how can someone want to wake up if they have Hugh Jackman in their arms, in their dreams!?

*****

Hugh blah aside, my day just got better and better. I won dinner for two voucher at a restaurant in Grand Hyatt Hotel. Then my name will be placed in the hat to win a three days trip to Singapore on Christmas. Exciting, I know!

And my luck did not stop there, after an hour, I won a DVD copy of Mamma Mia (and my name was put into the draw to win a grand prize of a Karaoke system)!

* all contests I participated in the radio *

When Mamma Mia came out in DVD, I thought of winning it (I won an Indiana Jones 4 DVD a couple of weeks back) on the radio but wasn’t able to help myself and bought it. Now, I won it so I would be giving it to my sister.

What a great day today and this is all because of Hugh. :-) 

It’s my birthday today and I will be 32. A lot has happened in these 32 years of my life. Sounds like I’m going to have a melodrama starting but yeah, I have thought about some things like what I’ve gone through and boring things like how I see myself in the future - in the near future, like in eight years when I’ll be forty. haha

I don’t believe in milestones… that in a certain age we are required to accomplish something or be at a certain point in life. At thirty two, I am pretty much contented with what I have and have come to terms with what I don’t. I tend to count my blessings more instead of dwelling on the past mistakes and things that make me unhappy. I have learned that happiness is a decision, not a state and I am happier now.

Hubby is caught up with work and we couldn’t celebrate my birthday at home. I think this is the first time since we got married that we didn’t celebrate my birthday. And I’m not talking about a grand party - just three of us together is enough. What happened was a friend invited me to his son’s birthday so Pristine and I went. If I can’t celebrate my birthday then at least I can celebrate someone’s birthday, right?

Pristine enjoyed the children’s party so much and I am glad we went. Am I sad having no cake and no candles to blow this year? Honestly, no because I thought, birthdays are not all about cakes and candles, it is all about our celebration of life - being thankful for another year and I have lots to be thankful for.

Just like I planned yesterday, I stayed at home today. Pristine is still having fever and clingy to me but having a pretty good appetite and vibrant spirit.

We watched Mamma Mia the movie for at least five times today! The movie is just the best, the most entertaining movie for her right now. It beats all the Disney cartoons she knows. Pristine loves music, singing and dancing so this movie is a big hit in our house.

Being at home and having some quiet time for myself whenever she sleeps, I thought, so this is how stay at home moms would feel everyday. I felt fulfilled and at peace without having to wake up in the morning to dress up for work, bid my daughter goodbye and think of her when she is sick. I love what I am feeling today. I am a little bit tired caring for a sick child but I don’t mind, this is what moms do naturally. She needs me and I love the feeling that she needs me.

No mom could get too much kisses and hugs in a day, right?

Brooke Mueller and Charlie Sheen are the new member of Hollywood parents who will be having twins. Happy for them, yes, but isn’t this getting a bit suspicious? There must be fertility drugs mixed in the waters of LA!

Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Lopez, and others I have enumerated in my other blog.

IVF, which is quite common these days must be the common factor. I swear this is not just a coincidence! Everyone is having twins, I’d be more surprised if a celeb gives birth to only one.

It’s Friday and I am home. In fact, I’ve been home for the last couple of days due to a national holiday (end of Ramadan festivities). I am loving every minute of it and wish I won’t have to go back to work tomorrow but that is daydreaming the impossible.

Anyway, I slept really late last night, thinking about so many things I wish I had a second, spare brain to slam those thoughts into. I was overloaded with thoughts - mostly useless ones. So what’s a girl to do at 1 am? I turned the PC on (what else) and read news, blogs and news and blogs. I finally dragged myself to bed at 2:30 am in utter surrender to something I have no control of - the internet. The information and endless source of reading material just won’t end.

Then I woke up at 6 am. What!? When it’s work week when I have to wake up at that time I feel like dying, now that I am having my break I wake up at this hour so effortlessly? You’ve got to be kidding me.

It’s 8 am now and all the people in my house are not showing any signs of waking up. They are smartly utilizing the good ‘ole Friday break, my friends. And I envy them very much!

My husband, who’s working for the travel industry, is invited to parties and get-togethers on a regular basis. When a new hotel is opened (since this is Dubai, a fairly new city with hotels sprouting every day) they are invited for a cocktail party to socialize with people of the same field. He asked me to come with him for a party tonight and I’ve said yes when he asked me earlier this week. However, since I am still having flu, not feeling well and honestly would rather spend time with our daughter at home, he was upset.

I am anti-social. I hate parties, networking and shy.

All his words.

I asked myself, since when did I become this way? Though I was not about all-nighters when I was single, I did enjoy going to parties, meeting people or just hanging out with friends. But now, I would always prefer staying at home after work, watching a movie or reading a book with Pristine and sleeping early. I have isolated myself from the crowd (he says) and this should change. Does it sound sober? because, really, it’s not. I am happy and at peace at home.

I hope there’s nothing wrong with me?

I have thought deep and hard and came up with the probable reasons why I don’t like to go out to party: 

Guilt to leave my own kid at home: I work 6 days a week and my mother takes care of her after school. I want her to take a rest of her duties whenever I am available so I don’t go out on weeknights/weekends and leave the kid to her unless it’s really necessary. So, we rarely go out, heck our anniversary dinner out two weeks ago was the first in 20 months!

I don’t do well late hours at night: Last month we went to a party with our Japanese family friend, some people were there also and honestly I did not enjoy it. The fact that it was held at a Thursday night (end of the work week for us) was mostly the reason I was drained and didn’t have that much energy to socialize or laugh at the corny jokes. I do not like staying late at night - does that make me a bad person?

Trying to be a mom who’s there: Working 6 days a week is what drives me to create the balance that’s needed at home. To make up for all the time, not in an obligatory kind of way. It’s just me now and though I am very much ok with it, my husband thinks otherwise.

What should have I done? Was it a better idea to go to the party he wanted to take me to even if I know I wouldn’t enjoy it?

Just when I was feeling really down and about to be charged with bad-mom crime, enlightenment came. I found a new mommy blog and read an inspiring post. Vered of Mom Grind has written a great article at Zen Habits - 12 Awesome Tips on how to be a great mom.

I’ve always believed that in order to become better parents, individuals - the mom and the dad has to be better persons first. All unresolved issues within or between them will definitely surface in how they parent their child/children. I was certainly not a good mom since I caught the flu bug a couple of days ago. I was suffering from lack of energy that contributed to lack of patience resulting in unnecessary bickerings at home. I was tired so you’d think I’d just shut up but I didn’t! I’m just disgusted with myself.

I know that asking for a quiet time to rest and recover is so unrealistic if you have a toddler at home who is restless with her summer vacation yet I still asked for it. Of course I didn’t get it, was disappointed and started throwing daggers at everyone. I can’t rest at home so I am in the office - at least I can sit down, look at the blank wall and think about nothing.

Anyway, I loved that article I read today as it made me realize things and put them in better perspective. I’m ready to go home and be a better mom now.

I don’t know how long will the monster in me go. A few days more? End of this week?

I am not feeling well but still working to meet deadlines before I go on leave at the end of the month. I haven’t been going to the gym so the missing happy hormones had something to do with this freaky mood. Top to that PMS. Is there ever such thing? or this is just my normal personality? Scratch that, I refuse to accept.

I am having issues with my mood since Sunday - every little thing makes me explode and coincidentally, things go out of hand when I am feeling like this. Or is it, things go bad because I feel bad? Little things that is magnified whenever I feel like this. Even my voice is one tone higher than usual.

Last night, some appliances suddenly broke, M kept nagging me about bank transactions I forgot, Pristine tugging me asking to play, sing, dance, read, whatever it is in her mind. She doesn’t even want anybody to be with her except for mom. Can’t I even have one minute of peace and quiet even if only when I’m sick!?

Drats, I just wrote a certified rant post.

Today I am staying at home after waking up with a very bad headache, runny nose and fever. No work for me on a Saturday, unfriendly insensitive boss be damned. This mom won’t go out of bed!

But I have another boss at home who won’t hesitate in letting me know that the moment I became a mom, I have lost all my rights to get sick, to stay longer in bed and to have a little rest while she is awake! I can’t really blame her, she was too ecstatic to see her mom at home and not out to work so she took out all her books, spread it all in our bed and asked me to read. Each. One. Of. Them.

Clearly, she still can’t understand what a sore throat means!