I’m headed to the introvert rehab center

My husband, who’s working for the travel industry, is invited to parties and get-togethers on a regular basis. When a new hotel is opened (since this is Dubai, a fairly new city with hotels sprouting every day) they are invited for a cocktail party to socialize with people of the same field. He asked me to come with him for a party tonight and I’ve said yes when he asked me earlier this week. However, since I am still having flu, not feeling well and honestly would rather spend time with our daughter at home, he was upset.

I am anti-social. I hate parties, networking and shy.

All his words.

I asked myself, since when did I become this way? Though I was not about all-nighters when I was single, I did enjoy going to parties, meeting people or just hanging out with friends. But now, I would always prefer staying at home after work, watching a movie or reading a book with Pristine and sleeping early. I have isolated myself from the crowd (he says) and this should change. Does it sound sober? because, really, it’s not. I am happy and at peace at home.

I hope there’s nothing wrong with me?

I have thought deep and hard and came up with the probable reasons why I don’t like to go out to party: 

Guilt to leave my own kid at home: I work 6 days a week and my mother takes care of her after school. I want her to take a rest of her duties whenever I am available so I don’t go out on weeknights/weekends and leave the kid to her unless it’s really necessary. So, we rarely go out, heck our anniversary dinner out two weeks ago was the first in 20 months!

I don’t do well late hours at night: Last month we went to a party with our Japanese family friend, some people were there also and honestly I did not enjoy it. The fact that it was held at a Thursday night (end of the work week for us) was mostly the reason I was drained and didn’t have that much energy to socialize or laugh at the corny jokes. I do not like staying late at night - does that make me a bad person?

Trying to be a mom who’s there: Working 6 days a week is what drives me to create the balance that’s needed at home. To make up for all the time, not in an obligatory kind of way. It’s just me now and though I am very much ok with it, my husband thinks otherwise.

What should have I done? Was it a better idea to go to the party he wanted to take me to even if I know I wouldn’t enjoy it?

while walking in Guilt Avenue

Just when I was feeling really down and about to be charged with bad-mom crime, enlightenment came. I found a new mommy blog and read an inspiring post. Vered of Mom Grind has written a great article at Zen Habits - 12 Awesome Tips on how to be a great mom.

I’ve always believed that in order to become better parents, individuals - the mom and the dad has to be better persons first. All unresolved issues within or between them will definitely surface in how they parent their child/children. I was certainly not a good mom since I caught the flu bug a couple of days ago. I was suffering from lack of energy that contributed to lack of patience resulting in unnecessary bickerings at home. I was tired so you’d think I’d just shut up but I didn’t! I’m just disgusted with myself.

I know that asking for a quiet time to rest and recover is so unrealistic if you have a toddler at home who is restless with her summer vacation yet I still asked for it. Of course I didn’t get it, was disappointed and started throwing daggers at everyone. I can’t rest at home so I am in the office - at least I can sit down, look at the blank wall and think about nothing.

Anyway, I loved that article I read today as it made me realize things and put them in better perspective. I’m ready to go home and be a better mom now.

Today’s not a good time to talk to me

I don’t know how long will the monster in me go. A few days more? End of this week?

I am not feeling well but still working to meet deadlines before I go on leave at the end of the month. I haven’t been going to the gym so the missing happy hormones had something to do with this freaky mood. Top to that PMS. Is there ever such thing? or this is just my normal personality? Scratch that, I refuse to accept.

I am having issues with my mood since Sunday - every little thing makes me explode and coincidentally, things go out of hand when I am feeling like this. Or is it, things go bad because I feel bad? Little things that is magnified whenever I feel like this. Even my voice is one tone higher than usual.

Last night, some appliances suddenly broke, M kept nagging me about bank transactions I forgot, Pristine tugging me asking to play, sing, dance, read, whatever it is in her mind. She doesn’t even want anybody to be with her except for mom. Can’t I even have one minute of peace and quiet even if only when I’m sick!?

Drats, I just wrote a certified rant post.

Help me make a DON’T DISTURB sign in toddler language

Today I am staying at home after waking up with a very bad headache, runny nose and fever. No work for me on a Saturday, unfriendly insensitive boss be damned. This mom won’t go out of bed!

But I have another boss at home who won’t hesitate in letting me know that the moment I became a mom, I have lost all my rights to get sick, to stay longer in bed and to have a little rest while she is awake! I can’t really blame her, she was too ecstatic to see her mom at home and not out to work so she took out all her books, spread it all in our bed and asked me to read. Each. One. Of. Them.

Clearly, she still can’t understand what a sore throat means!

a great lesson in stroller safety

I learned a very important responsible parenting lesson today. This is concerning the stroller that we just bought for Pristine. She’s already 4.5 years old and yet this is the first stroller that we had. I figured that we needed one for our travel together (without daddy) next month.

We took the new stroller, an umbrella type, simple stroller out when we went grocery shopping. It came in handy because when she got cranky towards lunch hour, we had her sit on the stroller instead carrying all 17 kilos of her. Oh I wished we had bought it years before!

Back to the lesson learned: seat belt is a must. The simple stroller had a simple seat belt attached to it and just like any moving vehicle, the child is supposed to be buckled up when seated. I, however, did NOT buckle her up in the stroller. We were just inside the grocery store, what could go wrong?

Then while pushing it around, the front right tire hit an edge of a rack. Pristine tumbled over!!

Luckily, she is older and was quick enough not to injure herself but she was so surprised to be thrown out. I felt so bad. How dare I subjected my daughter to this danger! She could have hit her head or something. I didn’t realize strollers are potential injury makers if not handled well.

From now on, I’ll strap her whenever she sits on it. In fact, I’ve asked her how to strap it on by herself in case mom forgets!

No kid at the dinner table today!

Tonight, my husband is taking me out to dinner. Just the two of us, no kid - get this, a first in 21 months! We will be celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary on the 14th but since it’s work day, we opted to celebrate it a little early, today because tomorrow is weekend for us here in the UAE.

Today is a busy day but I look forward to spending time with him alone, even if it’s just dining out for a couple of hours because sometimes, it would be nice to have a proper conversation without someone smearing sauce on my shirt/her own shirt or asking to be taken to the toilet in the middle of our meal (she does this like, all the time)!

What’s wrong with sleeping dads?

Pristine had an asthma attack at 3 am this morning. The moment she coughed and wheezed, I woke up from my sleep in a split second.

We sleep in the same room and her bed is attached to ours. She sleeps on my side so I can wake up at night to check her blanket, shirt, position - she could go up and hit her head on the bed head board or go down and hang her feet down at the lower edge of her bed - the nightly acrobatic possibilities are endless.

I sat her up and gave her water then the inhaler so she can sleep back. I had been making some rustling noises enough to wake a normal sleeping person. But my husband? He did not even move a muscle. He slept like a log.

The next morning, I asked him if he knew what happened that dawn. Of course, he had no idea!

How can men sleep through these kind of kid-related commotions? Not that I hate him for that, believe me, I have come to accept the fact that moms and dad’s night body mechanisms are just different; that moms are more alert and sensitive to every smell, sound and movement around them, even with their eyes closed! However, I am just amazed at how at the shutting of their eyes, their ears and all of the senses completely shuts down, too.

getting ready for our first stroller

Pristine will be turning 5 at the end of this year. She’s no longer a baby and can perfectly walk by herself but I think we might need a stroller for our travel soon. Why I’m making a big fuss about this? 

We have never bought a stroller before. The day she learned to walk, there was no way we could strap her in a stroller/buggy or even in the shopping cart. She loves to walk and we’re happy we were able to save on a stroller.

In short, Mr. Stroller and I are not acquainted. I didn’t even know these thing is so expensive until I went yesterday to check it out!

We’ll be travelling next month, me and my daughter only and I am worried I won’t be able to survive carrying her around the huge airport when she sleeps. She loves to walk, alright, but when she sleeps, I have no other choice but to carry all 16 kilos of her - along with our baggages (I plan to travel really light, even if it means I’ll buy additional clothes in our destination!). I entertained the idea of a simple buggy so she can sit and we can breeze around without me breaking my back.

I went to see strollers in the store yesterday and amazed at my ignorance! I don’t even know how to fold it, which levers to move, to lock, etc. The smiling sales person asked me politely, “first baby, madame?”. If she only know that the “baby” is already almost 5!!

stroller while travelling?

Only a few hours left and June is almost over. One half of 2008 flew like a breeze, just like that. First half is finished, I am so looking forward to the second half of the year with so much excitement. There’s a wedding, a homecoming and lots of travelling. I can’t wait!

Pristine and I will be taking a trip back to Japan in 5 weeks! Although this is not the first time that we’ll be travelling together without M, (I have done two trips from Japan to the Philippines when Pristine was younger but the flights were short), this is the first long flight that we’ll have together. We’ll have a short stopover in Hong Kong and then transfer to another plane going to Narita (Japan) - which reminds me of my worries.

What if she’ll sleep when we land in Hong Kong? Then I’d have to  carry her around the huge airport along with my hand carry baggage and what nots looking for the boarding gate for our next flight. She’s already heavy now and heavier when she’s asleep. I am seriously considering to buy a simple fold and go stroller but I have this feeling that strollers are more than a burden than help.

Any thoughts?

I’m cleared for work

The result of the x-ray and blood test done on the babe showed chest infection due to allergy and prolonged cough. She has to take anti-biotic (the strong one that has caused her gastric pains the other night) for seven days. That is so bad news to me because I am afraid she’ll not be able to sleep because of abdominal pain again and that would automatically mean I wouldn’t be able to sleep the whole night too. Thankfully, it seems that drinking yoghurt drink or eating yoghurt before taking the medicine worked wonders. She didn’t have any tummy pain and I was able to get a good night sleep to be ready for work the next morning.

One thing that I am also thankful is that, even if she has fever or flu, her appetite never wanes. She eats normally and even more - asking for yoghurt or peanut butter sandwiches or pancakes for snacks. She also loves eating kiwi fruit (the golden variety, yellow in color) which is loaded with Vitamin C.

She is back to her healthy state right now. I kissed her this morning while she’s sleeping and she opened her eyes and said, “Mom, you’ll be late for work!” so that means she is a-ok because when she’s sick, she’ll be clingy and sticking to my skirt the whole day.