the peaceful nights were short-lived

An update on Pristine’s asthma:

Her last nebulizer session was last Friday, July 11. After that, all of us are able to sleep peacefully. Thank God the wheezing and coughing spells has stopped. Until two days ago when at 3 am, she was awakened by asthma again. Then last night at 2:30 am. Only five nights of bliss.

What gives? Why does it happen at the crack of dawn?

During midday, she is perfectly fine. Clear breathing, no cough or colds and playing normally, just like her old pre-asthma self. What happens in the dead of the night? I am totally clueless but still I have to wake up and tend to her, give her the inhalers so she can breathe normally and sleep back.

These are times when I wish I had a medical degree to even have a slight idea what’s going on inside my child’s body. You could tell me to relax and accept the fact that my child is asthmatic but I guess I am still in denial. She didn’t have asthma before and now, 5 years after her birth asthma invades just like that?

Ashtma update: a little bit better

The doctor told us to take Pristine to the nearest health center, a small clinic near our place for nebulizer every six hours to alleviate her congested chest and asthma. Every six hours! That meant having to take her there early in the morning, at noon time and then at night. M has volunteered to go out from work to take our girl to the clinic at noon. Otherwise, we all go together in the morning before going to our respective work and at night after work.

A little bit of good news: we slept all through the night last night. She was not awakened by asthma unlike the previous night but when she woke up at 6:30, I could hear the dreadful wheezing sound again. The asthma orchestra has started. We hurried to the clinic (it opens at 7:00 am) before the condition worsens. I even went out without drying my hair or combing it after towelling it dry. The nurses must have noticed how I just tied it all wet and messy. Recalling, I think I didn’t even check the mirror before rushing to the door.

Motherhood is really all about shortcuts and fast forward life!

Take the asthma away and I’ll be good for the rest of my life!

Today I woke up seeing my worst nightmare come to life: my daughter struggling to breathe.

Since summer started (temperature and humidity rising to crazy levels), Pristine had been coughing on and off. Other than the occasional coughing, she is fine, going to school everyday and playing.

One day last month, she woke up with a wheezing sound in her chest, shortness of breath and coughing profusely to loosen her air pipes. My little girl is having an asthma attack!

She had no history of ashtma since birth. What could have triggered it? We have no carpets inside our apartment, we have no dogs or cats as pets, our house is clean. I am so troubled. Of all kid-related diseases, I dread and fear asthma most of all. I can’t bear to see her fighting to breathe, not sure of what to do so cries, or tosses and turns in her bed because of breathing difficulty.

This morning we woke up at 4 am to her cry for help. She was coughing, not breathing properly and crying. I jumped out of bed and got her Salbutamol liquid but we all know that asthma meds in liquid form do not take effect fast. After 10 more minutes she was still huffing and puffing. I told my husband we need to take her to the hospital. NOW!

We arrived in the hospital at 4:20 and though she was still wheezing, breathing was a little bit more relaxed. The doctor asked me so many questions from family history to possible allergens. She was given nebulizers and just like magic, she was back to her normal self and talking cheerfully early in the morning.

We went home at 6:30, carrying a medication I never dreamt of having: a metered dose inhaler in my hand.

one of those days I wish I were a doctor

Due to the dirty air we inhale at this time of the year, every member of our family has taken turns in getting sick. I can handle adults getting sick but now it’s the babe’s turn and I am restless.

After more than two weeks of on and off cough that don’t seem to end even with medication, I took her to the doctor last night because she had fever. The doctor said chest sound is suspicious and asked us to go for x-ray and blood test. Blood what!? The scene during blood drawing was really heartbreaking! Then we picked up her medicines and went home. Everything was fine…

Until 3 am when I woke up with her moans and complaints of stomach pain. She couldn’t sleep, kept on telling me pain, pain and wanting me to rub her tummy. I gave her lukewarm water and observed. She would sleep for a minute, wake up the next and cry - like that in the next two hours! I read the antibiotic suspension given to her and it said:

“Known side effects include gastro-intestinal disturbance. A systemic reaction can also follow, to be readily treated by means of gastric lavage and supportive measures”.

That’s it but what should I do now?

Should I give her meds for stomach pain? Will it not contradict with the meds she just took? I was dead worried and did not have any other choice but to research the net for medical information. I can’t call her pediatrician at 3 am, can I?

it’s too soon

Yesterday was the second time I almost become a widow.

My hubby had been sick since last week. It was no big deal, just cough, a little fever, a recurring headache and some chest pains. People who know him will probably be alarmed when he called me to say that he is going home as he can’t tolerate his headache at work anymore.

He is not a wimp. He would even go on without feeling hunger or pain if he is at work. Refuses to take medicines unlike me when I can almost pop a pill if someone pulls one hair out of my head. I am a sissy and he’s not. Last Monday, he was cringing in pain and memories of three years ago came back to me.

Three years ago, I was home when the hospital called and told me he is incoherent because of headache. They had to take her to the nearest hospital in wheel chair because he could not walk. When I arrived, he was pale, cold to the touch and in severe pain. I massaged his shoulders and neck and found out it was as stiff as a rock. He was almost unconscious and I felt he would go, leave us just like that.

We had MRI, CT scan and all tests performed on him. The neurologist found a ’shadow’ somewhere in his head but suggested we go to another hospital for second opinion. We went and the shadow was gone. I don’t know if it was technical glitch or something that made the suspicious shadow to disappear.

After that incident, he was well (after one day confinement) and back to normal. The very next day, he upgraded his life insurance.

Yesterday, we all went to a polyclinic. We all had flu-like symptoms except fever for two days now. Mine and Pristine’s consultation lasted but only 5 minutes then we were out carrying our meds. My husband’s doctor, after performing some checks on him suddenly suggested EKG. Huh? He said he feels my husband’s heart rhythm seems not normal.

A nurse performed the simple procedure and handed it to the doctor. He then called the cardiologist and asked us to go there. WTH!? The cardiologist said there are some suspicious part in the EKG record and he wants to make sure. Asked him about any heart disease history in his family, asked him why he is so thin. People with heart disease tend to have difficulty in gaining weight. While talking to the doctor and learning of the diagnosis, his chest pain came back - more intense than ever. Was it psychological? I don’t know. After a few minutes, he was ok again. The cardiologist suggested a series of tests including treadmill test to see if his heart is really bad but he does not want to do it. He insists he is ok. The doctor could not do anything but said if something bad happens to you, I will not take any responsibility for it. Why can some patients be so stubborn?

Last night, I asked him to do the test so the doctors will know for sure what to prescribe. For Pete’s sake, he is just 32!

summer flu

I went to the gym yesterday despite feeling a little bit sick. I have cough and some chest pains but I thought a little exercise would not hurt and a steam bath would likely unblock my stuffed nose and respiratory area. Nothing bad happened and I was still able to do cardio exercise on the treadmill and on the stair master for 30 minutes. The steam bath felt really good and I felt better.

Everyone in the family is sick. This morning as we were having a cough choir, Pristine woke up and pointing her little fingers to me and her father she said, “sick, sick (and then pointing to herself), sick - all three sicks“. Lol.

I can’t compete with grandma

It’s been a year since my mom moved in with us to take care of P after school. My life has changed. She helps me around the house and most importantly, I can work peacefully thinking my little girl is in safe and loving hands. P and her grandma bonded really well. After a few months, she would request to sleep with grandma, a move that I really made a big deal of. We’ve been co-sleeping since she was born so the change, the empty bed beside me felt strange and made me a little bit lonely.

My mom doesn’t mind if the little girl sleeps with her most nights of the week, except that she would not have a fully satisfying sleep if the babe is beside her in the same bed because she moves a lot, all two hands and feet on the air and back to the bed all throughout the night - which was the reason we got a separate bed for her. If not, I might have broken a rib or two.

So to cut the story short, I tried to talk to her last night that grandma wants to sleep alone tonight and she has to go back to her own bed, in our room. She cried like crazy saying, “I like nanay! (she calls her grandma nanay)”, repeating it a hundred times as tears overflowed. There was nothing left to do to pacify her. She kept on heading for the door, wanting to go to the other room.

I had to put my feet down on this one. It was time to tell her what is right. The next minutes were spent wrestling (trying to hold her while she wiggles), explaining and crying (on her part).

“Now, you don’t need me anymore? No more mama for you?”

I know I was stupid to ask this question in the heat of my anger.
But I got a clear NOD from her. “I like nanay…I want to sleep with nanay!” came the reply with sobs in between.

What? Suddenly, my bedtime stories and cuddles are not good enough anymore? I was devastated. How could this happen? Eventually, I had to let her go. It’s school the next morning and it would not help to make her stay awake this long.

I lie back in my bed last night crying. Did this happen because I am a working mom? Because I am not with her the whole day? I never knew this kind of heartbreak before. It feels like I’d rather be dumped by boyfriends than be dumped (at least that’s what I feel - my own kid dumped me) by my only child.

M comforted me saying this is just a temporary phasebut why am I making this so big? Why the tears? It’s not even the PMS time of the month yet and my emotions are overflowing like crazy.

something fishy when it’s quiet

If there’s one thing that gives me a sudden chill, it’s when my daughter stops talking because it’s only either she is sleepy or she is not feeling well. Seriously, that two reasons only!

Yesterday afternoon we went to a museum. Contrary to what we expected that a museum is not for kids and Pristine will just be bored, she actually liked it and asked so many questions. On the way home, she was so happy she sangs songs and recited a couple of poems and proudly beamed when we applauded her. Suddenly, she fell silent and clung to me. I thought she was sleepy, she was half closing her eyes but that was not all, she was warmer than usual!

Where did that fever come from!? She was really silent as the fever increased.

My mother would sometimes say my girl will not stop talking until the adults around her gets exhausted. But I’d say I would never tire of her shrilly voice and hear songs being repeated over and over than her being silent and sick! 

falling sick has no perfect time

Pristine is a little bit sick and when I say little bit, it means she is sick but kind of not so sick. Ha ha, I know, it’s confusing for me too. When I got home last night and kissed her as I greeted the door, I felt she is warmer than usual. I checked with the temperature, I was right, she was having a slight fever. I even guessed correctly that her temperature must be high but not reaching 37C.

Today, there’s going to be a sports fest at her school and she could not attend. She is eating well and playing but sometimes stops when the fever is too high. Otherwise, she is perfectly normal. No cough or colds, just fever. I feel sad for her as this has been happening most of the time - when there is an activity at school, she almost always have fever the day or night before. Must be just coincidence?

he just wouldn’t quit it

What do you do when you lost something? Nothing big, just a trivial thing, like an electric adaptor that costs three dollars.

My husband swore that he placed the adaptor together with the busted extension sockets in the kitchen counter a week ago and then when he wants it now and could not find it, went ballistic and interrogated all the people in the house including a 4 year old kid. My mother and I never saw that adaptor he is talking about yet he swears by his life that it was in the place he remembered he last time saw it. Seven days ago. Who could have thrown it? I certainly didn’t, my mom didn’t and we all know that Pristine knows her boundaries regarding electrical fixtures. Darling daughter never, not even once ever touched an electric wire ever since!

Point is, hubby was huffing and panting with anger (mostly to himself, I bet) that the adaptor was lost. He kept on looking for it and murmuring God knows what. I just ignored him as he is always like that. My biggest hunch was that he threw the adaptor with the busted extension sockets but forgot. He is sometimes disoriented when tired from work and he was last week.

For me, it is really useless to be looking for something missing for more than an hour, especially things that are trivial and can be easily replaced. The whole atmosphere at home was tensed just because of his gesture. If it was me, I’d quit looking for the item and buy another one to lessen the emotional damage, to myself and the people around me but to some people, I guess every little thing counts, regardless of the effect it does on people around them.

How about you, would you rather search for the thing until you find it or buy a replacement to save your sanity?