I can’t compete with grandma

It’s been a year since my mom moved in with us to take care of P after school. My life has changed. She helps me around the house and most importantly, I can work peacefully thinking my little girl is in safe and loving hands. P and her grandma bonded really well. After a few months, she would request to sleep with grandma, a move that I really made a big deal of. We’ve been co-sleeping since she was born so the change, the empty bed beside me felt strange and made me a little bit lonely.

My mom doesn’t mind if the little girl sleeps with her most nights of the week, except that she would not have a fully satisfying sleep if the babe is beside her in the same bed because she moves a lot, all two hands and feet on the air and back to the bed all throughout the night - which was the reason we got a separate bed for her. If not, I might have broken a rib or two.

So to cut the story short, I tried to talk to her last night that grandma wants to sleep alone tonight and she has to go back to her own bed, in our room. She cried like crazy saying, “I like nanay! (she calls her grandma nanay)”, repeating it a hundred times as tears overflowed. There was nothing left to do to pacify her. She kept on heading for the door, wanting to go to the other room.

I had to put my feet down on this one. It was time to tell her what is right. The next minutes were spent wrestling (trying to hold her while she wiggles), explaining and crying (on her part).

“Now, you don’t need me anymore? No more mama for you?”

I know I was stupid to ask this question in the heat of my anger.
But I got a clear NOD from her. “I like nanay…I want to sleep with nanay!” came the reply with sobs in between.

What? Suddenly, my bedtime stories and cuddles are not good enough anymore? I was devastated. How could this happen? Eventually, I had to let her go. It’s school the next morning and it would not help to make her stay awake this long.

I lie back in my bed last night crying. Did this happen because I am a working mom? Because I am not with her the whole day? I never knew this kind of heartbreak before. It feels like I’d rather be dumped by boyfriends than be dumped (at least that’s what I feel - my own kid dumped me) by my only child.

M comforted me saying this is just a temporary phasebut why am I making this so big? Why the tears? It’s not even the PMS time of the month yet and my emotions are overflowing like crazy.