There were more than 300 examinees when I took the exam 13 years ago. English, Math and Chemistry, oh I so well remember each hurdle I took. Particularly, I could not forget my effort to hold the pencil as it continuously slip through my sweaty palm. I had been always cautious of timed exams and since this one was life changing, it caused me to panic inside.

After the punishing exams, I took the next boat ride home. Day after day, I was anticipating the result too much I could not sleep . Negative or positive I had to know! I don’t want to be left in the dark. At least I am already preparing two reactions I practiced in front of the mirror for days. Nothing will shock me anymore.

Days turned into weeks and weeks to months. Nothing came and summer was over. It was time for enrolment again. My friend came to my house and threatened me that if I won’t go enrol myself now, she’ll literally drag me to the school registrar with ropes.

I refused to enrol. Inside me, I imagined myself in another world, in another set of uniforms, in another school. It was wishful thinking considering there were 300 examinees and only two will be chosen. The anticipation almost killed me that summer.

I finally enrolled myself in the same university on the last registration day. In a few days, classes will begin again and I had to wear the school uniform I almost bade goodbye to. It’s all crumpled now, resting in one corner of my closet, almost forgotten. Obviously, my mind and heart were set somewhere else. Just not here.

My father met me at the gate that late afternoon and handed me a paper. It read:

My dear daughter,

A representative from xxxx visited me at the office to congratulate me. You passed the scholarship exam to Japan! I am very proud of you and forgive me I wrote this letter instead of telling  you directly. Out of my extreme excitement, I wrote you as this is the only way I can manage myself properly.

With love,
Papa

This writing exercise is fueled by the writing prompt “Anticipation” at Sunday Scribblings.