Thursday Thirteen banner courtesy of Harlekwin
13 COURT ROOM CONVERSATIONS (REAL STORIES)
1.
Lawyer: “Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?”
Witness: “All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.”
2.
Lawyer: “What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?”
Witness: “He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’”
Lawyer: “And why did that upset you?”
Witness: “My name is Susan.”
3.
Lawyer: “How old is your son, the one living with you?”
Witness: “Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.”
Lawyer: “How long has he lived with you?”
Witness: “Forty-five years.”
4.
Lawyer: “This myasthenia gravis — does it affect your memory at all?”
Witness: “Yes.”
Lawyer: “And in what ways does it affect your memory?”
Witness: “I forget.”
Lawyer: “You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?”
5.
- Lawyer: “What happened then?”
- Witness: “He told me, he says, ‘I have to kill you because you can identify me.’”
- Lawyer: “Did he kill you?”
- Witness: “No.”
6.
Witness: “He was about medium height and had a beard.”
Lawyer: “Was this a male or a female?”
7.
Lawyer: “I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.”
Witness: “That’s me.”
Lawyer: “Were you present when that picture was taken?”
8.
Lawyer: “She had three children, right?”
Witness: “Yes.”
Lawyer: “How many were boys?”
Witness: “None.”
Lawyer: “Were there girls?”
9.
Lawyer: “Are you married?”
Witness: “No, I’m divorced.”
Lawyer: “And what did your husband do before you divorced him?”
Witness: “A lot of things I didn’t know about.”
10.
Lawyer: “Did he pick the dog up by the ears?”
Witness: “No.”
Lawyer: “What was he doing with the dog’s ears?”
Witness: “Picking them up in the air.”
Lawyer: “Where was the dog at this time?”
Witness: “Attached to the ears.”
11.
Lawyer: “And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Ok? What school do you go to?”
Witness: “Oral.”
Lawyer: “How old are you?”
Witness: “Oral.”
12.
Lawyer: “Could you see him from where you were standing?”
Witness: “I could see his head.”
Lawyer: “And where was his head?”
Witness: “Just above his shoulders.”
13.
Lawyer: “Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?”
Witness: “Because he was argumentary, and he couldn’t pronunciate his words.”
