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13 ZEN SARCASMS

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

4.  Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

5. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

6. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

7. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

8. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

11. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

12. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

13. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.