This post I wrote 2 years ago. 

If I Could

If I Could
I’d protect you from the sadness in your eyes
Give you courage in a world of compromise
Yes I would
If I could

I would teach you all the things I’ve never learned
And I’d help you cross the bridges that I’ve burned
Yes I would
If I could

I would try to shield your innocence from time
But the part of life I gave you isn’t mine
I’ve watched you grow
So I could let you go
If I could

I would help you make it through the hungry years
But I know that I can never cry your tears
But I would
If I could

If I live in a time and place where you don’t wanna be
You don’t have to walk along this road with me
My yesterday won’t have to be your way
If I knew
I would try to change the world I brought you to
And there isn’t very much that I can do
But I would
If I could

No, I did not write that piece, it’s a Michael Bolton song and it is playing on my mind lately.

I took my darling daughter to the nearby hospital for her follow-up check up with the ear infection. To my great relief, the doctors gave her a clean bill of health so we proceeded to wait at the counter for our name to be called for payment. It was Friday so the hospital was crowded than usual.

Akari whiled away the time by (again!) running around and chasing children and saying hello. No one of the children paid attention. Jap kids have this way of being “cold” sometimes their eyes are without expression. My daughter, on the other hand, is MS. FRIENDSHIP.

A was quietly tinkering with the locker beside the bench I was sitting when a girl, around 4 to 5 years old approached her and shoved her away. I watched with caution. She never had a quarrel with other children because of toys. If she has a toy and another kid wants it, she gladly gives it. I don’t know why. She will hand over the toy and find something else for herself.

And so I asked myself, “up to what extent should I stand here and just look?”

She just watched the other kid play with the locker that was her territory before but she did not mind. But as soon as the kid went away for a while, she looked around, as if checking if the vicinity is safe and proceeded to play with the key on the locker. Then the girl came again, and SHOVED her again. My daughter tripped over. Her strength was no match for the kid more than twice her age. I watched in horror, battling with my senses whether I should scold or spank the kid or wait for A’s reaction to her own little battle.

My daughter stood up and said “no” and “itai (painful)” to the other kid but she did not cry. So the kid realizing she did something bad and maybe was terrified with the way my angry eyes were looking at her, went away and to my surprise, my daughter waved at her and said “Babay!”…without a trace of anger nor hatred in her heart. Pure innocence.

I know my child has to fight her own battles, has to shed her own tears and has to stand on her own, facing all the cruel things in this world but no please, not when I am looking.

Only a few years from now, my baby will be going to pre-school (she is attending daycare at the moment) and I am sure events like this will be aplenty. I don’t want to be called a stage mom, nor I don’t want to be labelled as cold and uncaring by my own child.

Tell me, where should I draw the line?